Happiness has become this holy grail that everyone is trying to find. It is a mythical creature that we seek out in the darkness. We cloak ourselves in the goodness of our hopes. We dart off after it thinking that the next big thing is going to finally make us happy.
We look at those around us and say, “If I had that money, I would be happy” or “If I lost 20lbs I would be happy” or “she would be much happier if she was with me.” The reality is, none of this stuff has to do with our own happiness. Happiness is purely defined as a state of being happy. There are no qualifiers, pre-requisites or conditions to be happy. If you want to be happy then be happy. Clearly, we all know it isn’t that simple.
The evaluation of our own lives almost always leads us to wanting something else. Often times, we want someone else’s life completely. We wish that we were further along on our goals. We envy the person that has done what we are seeking to do. Rather than being inspired by their success, we are jealous and frustrated by our lack of success.
We wish for more, which is not a bad thing. Daniel Gilbert teaches us in Stumbling on Happiness that we are the only animal that thinks about our future. Frankly, this often consumes us. We neglect the beauty of today in anxious anticipation of tomorrow. We aren’t happy now because this doesn’t feel like the future we created for ourselves. We simply want more.
This is precisely what we need to change. It’s a colossal gift to be able to think about the future and be presented with endless amounts of opportunities. But, this is not where we should derive our happiness. When we make happiness circumstance dependent the turbulence of life overwhelms us.
We need a new view of happiness. We need a fresh way to evaluate our lives. Perhaps if we are unhappy we need to shift the perspective of our unhappiness. What is really preventing you from being happy? How is your happiness controlled?
Happiness Controlled by Others
This is what we all do and how most of us live our lives on a daily basis. We are so dependent on others for our own happiness. We seek approval, acceptance and love. We let others primarily dictate how we feel. This can be a miserable way to live.
You could get one hundred compliments and then one negative comment sends you into a tailspin. You have 99 more positive comments than negative comments yet you obsess over the only negative one.
When you rely on others for your happiness you will inevitably be let down. Whether it’s intentional or not, you will be let down. The only thing consistent about life is its inconsistencies. Losing a job can crush you. An argument with a loved one derails you. Someone questioning your dream could cause you to stop dead in your tracks and not finish it at all.
We need people in our lives. Relationships are what make life worth living. Nothing great in life is experienced without those we love around us. We share our triumphs with them. They help bear our burdens. These relationships are what make life worth living. We just can’t let them control our happiness. Relationships should be the breadth of your happiness, not the source of it.
Happiness Controlled by You
Happiness is a choice. It’s not simply choosing to be happy. It’s choosing what to focus on. Choosing what to give your attention to. Choosing whether or not to let someone’s negativity bring you down. Choosing to forgive someone you love. Choosing to make the most of the situation you are in the thick of.
One of the great joys of life is that it isn’t a steady stream of decency. We are challenged. We go through great pain. We face circumstances that seem insurmountable. We often get pushed to our limits. Then, we make it through. We come out the other side better than we were when it hit.
The good things feel great when we overcome our struggles. Success is so much sweeter when you rebound from the brink of failure. We are filled with relief when a health scare turns out to only be a scare. We feel like these scenarios give us permission to be happy. That shouldn’t be the case.
The key is to learn how to find joy in the suffering. Learning to find growth in the hardships. We want to learn how to remember that there are still positive things in our lives not matter how bad things get.
Proven Physical Life Changes to Make You Happier
- Exercise
- Eat Better
- Get More Sleep
- Smile More
- Meditate
- Meaningful Relationships
- Watch Less TV
- Follow Your Passion
- Give Back
- Therapy
Mental Changes to Make Immediately
There are many changes you can make to your daily life that will help you feel happier. These are all great ways to improve the quality of your life. Although, the greatest impact you can have on your overall happiness is to shift your perspective and retrain your view of this world.
Here are three significant changes that can be effective immediately.
1. Change Your Mindset – How You Perceive
Mindset is everything. It dictates how you view everything that happens to you in life. It is what frames your worldview. Mindset often has a greater impact on you than circumstance. Two people could be faced with the very same challenge and perceive it completely different.
How will you view life? Are you always the victim? Is everything going against you? Or, have you been given an opportunity to get better? Are you going to make the most of what you have been given?
The right mindset guides who you are and leads you right into who you want to be. It will help you to see the good in the tough times and be appreciative for everything when life is going well. Your mindset is your decision.
2. Shift Your Attitude – How You React
Our attitude is the representation of our thought process and mindset. It is the extension of how we view our lives and the reaction to it.
A negative attitude promotes immobility. It slows our progress, stunts our growth and keeps us stuck in a negative mindset. A negative attitude also brings those around us down. People do not gravitate towards negative people. This makes it difficult to have meaningful relationships.
Shifting to a positive attitude will have an immediate impact on how happy you feel. You will start to believe in yourself. You will begin to see a change in how you view and respond to life events – small and big. You will respond more favorably to tough moments in life.
Positivity is infectious. It spreads quickly. You become more hopeful. Hope is invigorating. Happiness is a natural by product of hope and positivity.
3. Be Grateful – How You Feel
Gratitude trains your brain to look for the positive. Focusing on the positive aspects of your life will start to help you see them more regularly.
Choosing to reflect on what matters most in your life and appreciate what you have is transformative. It starts to weaken the things that are weighing you down. Your mind flips from focusing on negative to positive. You begin to feel strengthened and empowered. Gratitude eases pain and strengthens happiness.
In the ever changing landscape of your life, gratitude will always help to keep you grounded. The foundation of your happiness rests firmly on your ability to recognize and appreciate the positivity in your life.
Seek Growth, not Perfection
Changing your mindset, shifting your attitude and being more grateful will have a profound impact on your life. Like everything good in life, it is a learned skill and will never be perfect. Keep at it.
Try making these three changes. We hope your smile grows and you become filled with positivity. Happiness is a mindset worth pursuing.
*If you are struggling and feel you need help beyond this please seek the help of a professional. We have coaches for sports and teachers for education. There is no shame in seeking out a professional to help with your life, thoughts and mentality.