Loss is something we all have to experience. It often becomes our greatest struggle and is something we can’t prepare for. I lost my mom just before I turned 18 and it was the worst thing to ever happened to me. But, I survived. Eventually I found peace, hope and encouragement. You can too.
How can you find encouragement after the loss of a loved one? The answer is complex and different for everyone. Grieving is not bound by time or place. It doesn’t play favorites and doesn’t care how strong you are. But, there is one main thing that seems to help the numbness fade, slow down the tears and lift our heads. That is love. The love we had for that person. The love that the ones we care about have for us. Love reminds us that we are still living. Love encourages us to keep moving. Love brings hope.
It can be difficult to feel encouraged when you are facing something you will never get over. Something that will always effect you in one way or another. There is no elixir for tragedy. Eventually, as time slowly breathes hope back into you heart, there are some things that can bring you encouragement.
Ways to be Encouraged After Loss
No matter how we experience loss we can never be prepared for it. You could watch a loved one battle illness for years or get that dreaded call that someone you love is gone in an instant. You will never be prepared to face the pain. Your heart sinks quickly, your mind starts racing, you are filled with so many questions without answers and go completely numb. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. Time heals all wounds still applies, but you can’t recognize that yet. This is only the beginning.
You start to move forward just like you are learning to walk again – one foot in front of the other. Life without that person may not seem possible. You try to envision a life without them. You can’t. You might have dreams that they are still with you, but you wake up to them being gone. To say you have a void in your life may not even be descriptive enough. You then recognize that the world has continued to spin around you. You just keep moving one foot in front of the other. Don’t stop. Step by step your strength comes back. Here are a few things to remember as you make your steps:
- Memories – In the thick of your pain, the memories don’t mean much. You are consumed by the realization that you will never see that person again. It’s debilitating. Hold fast. Each day gets a little better. Before long you will remember the good stuff. The memories may be painful at first. They may be tough to revisit, but, eventually, they become your most sacred link to that person. Your memories will get you through the tough days. Your memories are your well of joy that can be dipped into anytime. Dig as deep as you need can to find them, it will be worth it.
- It Gets Better – At first, nothing seems to help. Your feet feel glued to the ground. Moving forward is no option. You are firmly entrenched in emptiness. Hope would be impossible to find and you really don’t care to look for it. Except, no matter what you do, another day passes. Then the sun sets and rises again. The days will continue to roll by without regard for your current stage of grief. Suddenly, you realize today doesn’t hurt quite as much as yesterday. If you continue to seek the positive, you will start to feel again. You will start to care again. You will even smile again. Your love will never end, but your pain will slowly subside. Keep going – they would want you to.
- Love of Family and Friends – In the same way that you cared for this person, you will have an army of people that will care for you. They will be there to listen, to cry with, to do nothing with, to be angry with, to scream with, to hold you. They will be there no matter what and they will be there the whole time. When it seems like the world forgot about your pain, they didn’t. They will do anything they possibly can to absorb a small piece of your great pain. They will demand nothing and give endlessly. They will remind you how much you meant to the person you lost. They will do your laundry, watch your kids or cook you dinner. They are the hope that your life will be abundant again. Love never dies.
- You Were Lucky to Know Them – The pain wouldn’t be so real if you didn’t care so much. You lost your mother or father, your brother or sister, your husband or wife, your child or your best friend. These are special people to you. The so called people you can’t live without. Yet, you are facing that very thing. Don’t ever forget that these are the people that made your life what it is. They may have taught you how to ride your bike, which side of your plate the fork goes on, introduced you to your spouse or showed you how to find joy in the simplest of things. Your life may feel worse now that they are no longer in it, but you are certainly better off because you knew them.
- They Loved You – This may sound obvious, but it can be easy to forgot. When the pain is unbearable we don’t see the whole picture. They cherished the role you played in their life. The life you shared was never lived in vain. The love they had for you made their life worth living. While your heart is breaking, they left this earth filled with your love. Their death can never get in the way of the love they had for you. Don’t ever forget how much they loved you.
One Final Piece of Encouragement
You will never be alone. This is not something you have to tackle on your own. You will always be surrounded by those who love you. If you feel like you don’t have anyone in your corner, keep looking. Unfortunately, there are people everywhere going through this same struggle. Don’t walk alone. Seek help. Seek guidance. Seek refuge. There will always be someone out there ready to help you. If they don’t come to you, go to them. They are out there. You are NEVER alone!
Related Questions
- What if I don’t feel encouraged? This is completely normal. Your loved one will be in your heart for the rest of your life. You will constantly be reminded of them. I sneezed once and it brought me to tears from a funny memory. The message here is not an antidote to your pain. It’s a message that you can be encouraged, even after the worst time of your life. Keep seeking what is positive and you will eventually find it.
- How do I encourage a friend who just lost a loved one? Everyone is different. We all handle this in different ways. It’s our instinct to want to try to fill them with encouraging words like, “I know it hurts but it will get better” or “I know how you feel.” They tend to not work that well. What helped me the best was knowing that my friends were there for me. Their presence always made it better and they seemed to be able to anticipate my needs. Be there for them. There is no perfect way to help so don’t hesitate. You won’t regret overstepping, but you will regret not stepping at all. Wrap your arm around them. Do what you can to simplify their life in this season. Tell them you love them.